I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
