Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
