We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
