how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
