I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
