Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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