i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
