A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
