ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
