One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The air was thick with penises
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
