Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
