Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've blown a few things in my day
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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