ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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