Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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