I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
