whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm just crazy horny about you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
