12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
