I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
