This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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