For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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