Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
