I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
