why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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