How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
