Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
