I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
