We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
