): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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