i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
