My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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