i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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