WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
