Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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