why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
