We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
