There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
this is an emotional support booty call
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