Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
