Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
