I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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