i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
