it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
