turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
