We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize