I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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