We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
