don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
