i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
