Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dick very happy bro
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
