I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
