he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
