im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
