Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
