Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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