I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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