i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
