dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
