Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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