Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
