your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
handjob tips. give me some.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
