i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
