The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
