I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
