remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need to calm my uterus...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
