Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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