Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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