3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
