Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
