I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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