Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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