3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
