Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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