i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
