My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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