Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
