the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
