guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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