watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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