I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
