ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
