U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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