Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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