if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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