All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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