I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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