I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize